"They say that if you really love someone you've got to set them free..
Wrong!! If you feel your someone is not loving you.. set them free for your own sake.."
Today is the 10th day since you're gone.. 10 days full of tears, full of resentment.. full of confusions.. but yet still full of love..
I reminisce everything about us.. about the past.. about everything that we've been through.. I still even remember the first time we met.. the first time you smiled at me.. the first time that you offered a seat.. the first time you greet me HAPPY BIRTHDAY eventhough it wasn't my birthday, the first time our eyes met.. the first time you said I LOVE YOU and I WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU.. the first time you sang a song to me.. remember? 28.. I'll take care of you..? the first time you kissed me..
So funny.. three years passed.. but I can still remember everything.. maybe because that's the time I told myself "This is it.. I've found my soulmate.. my ideal man.. my knight in shining armor.. the one who knocked me off my feet.. the man that I want to marry someday.."
I've never been a daydreamer.. but when I think about you it seems like an endless dream a woman wants to dream about and all I want is to dream all over again..
But it didn't came to my realization that a "NIGHTMARE" exist.. everything was too perfect for me and I didn't notice you crying..
You said "I am sick and tired! I don't want to this anymore."
My world that we built together suddenly
fall into pieces.. My heart was beating so fast that I can hear it saying "Stop it! It hurts so bad!".
All I wanted to do that time is to run and escape the misery that's coming my way.
I thought about it all over again.. I asked myself if it was my fault or your fault..
I'm still in the midst of confusion.. I can't even think of any reason.. I was doubtful..
So doubtful if i should buy the idea that people get tired to someone they love.. I always believe that if you love the things that you're doing you will never get tired.. Same as loving someone.. you'll never get tired if you did love the person you used to call "YOURS".
Or maybe you're not happy with me? Oh! It breaks my heart thinking about it..
I spent half my life trying to make you happy.. giving you everything and all this time I thought it was enough.. We never stop thinking about new things that could make this relationship work out..
The day before you said the saddest word that I ever heard you told me how much you love me.. that you will always be my man.. you hugged me tight and even kissed me like there's no tomorrow.. how can I think that you don't love me and you're not happy anymore?
I gave you up.. yes I did.. not because I don't love you anymore.. not because I got tired too.. but because I wanted to give you freedom.. maybe that's the thing that you miss.. I wonder if you enjoyed it coz if you will ask me? I didn't..
I was thinking maybe you will be back once you got to think things over while you're alone.. Yes.. I did expect you to come back.. but you didn't.. but still I tried to wait..
I waited until such time I realize that it was over.. when the thought came out in your head and shouted out loud.. I don't know if I got to believe the things that I read.. I got angry.. so angry that it made me wanted to see you coz I wanted to slap your face so hard.. I wanted to rip out your heart coz I want to see if you still got it beating because of me.. I wanted to open your brain coz I want to see if you still got a memory of me.. but I didn't.. in fact I wished that I will never see your f****** face again.. I wished I would find someone that day that would replace you in keeping the beat of my heart.. that my brain would crashed out and I will forget every memory of us together..
You told me to hate you.. but I didn't.. my madness had gone away in just a day.. I was thinking that I will live in misery if I would let that hatred eat me wholly.. I will not let you do that to me.. I had enough..
If yesterday I gave up.. now, I surrender.. though all I got is my pride.. but i guess this would help me in moving on.. my pride.. I won't let you bring me down.. noone else can do that to me..
If yesterday you were my world, my everything.. now, you are just a piece of me.. my nightmare.. an ordinary boy who made a mess in my life.. a clown who were destined to make me happy but eventually made me cry.. a bestfriend who betrayed me.. a father who supposed to be the strength of the family but eventually the first one who gave up.. a teacher who supposed to be a role model but the one who showed bad example to his student.. a photographer who supposed to be the one who appreciate the beauty of ugliness and seek the beauty inside but instead you seek for perfections.. a musician who supposed to play music by heart instead do it for fame.. a poet who supposed to write poem to inspire others instead break their hearts.. a genie who supposed to grant wish but instead grant it on his own.. a lover who promised to love her truly but at the end the one who's unfaithful..
So thankful that you've showed your true colors.. I thought you change but you didn't.. I feel pity for myself coz once I had love you.. but I guess that would be enough.. all the pain.. all the tears.. all the lies.. you just showed it to all you gf's before.. You're not even worthy to smile..
Yes! This is my last letter.. all the feelings will be gone after this.. I hope you still have a heart.. and don't do such thing to your new one..
Goodbye!!!
